Avoid Burnout by Adding Boundaries
A boundary is defined as a rule, limit, or guideline that we set for ourselves within relationships. As parents or caregivers, we know that to keep our kids or loved ones safe and healthy we need to establish limits and boundaries to protect them, yet as adults we sometimes forget to establish or honor our own boundaries. Setting healthy boundaries is crucial to respecting ourselves and maintaining wellbeing and it also creates clarity for others. When we set relationship boundaries we teach others how to treat us and what is ok or not ok for them to do or say around us. We also have limited time, money, energy and resources that we are able to dedicate each day to our mission, vision and values. Setting boundaries allows us to allocate these resources to the things that are most important and impactful and say no to the things that are not in alignment.
Clarify
The first step in establishing healthy boundaries is to consider each of the important areas of our life and understand where we may be lacking clear boundaries and are feeling frustrated. Evaluate each of the following areas and clarify what you value most in each category.
Life Category Most Important Value
Health
Emotional Well-Being
Relationships (Spouse, Parenting, Family, Friends)
Career/Mission
Lifestyle
Create
For each of the categories above that you evaluated above, create a boundary or non-negotiable rule that you will live by to ensure the value most important to you is upheld. A boundary or non-negotiable rule must be something within our own control. We aren’t able to control the behavior of others, but we are able to change how we react.
Life Category Most Important Value Boundary to Uphold
Health
Emotional Well-Being
Relationships (Spouse, Parenting, Family, Friends)
Career/Mission
Lifestyle
Some examples of healthy boundaries include:
Defining clear work hours.
Saying no when asked to help with an event that is not aligned with your mission, vision, or value.
Always keeping your mornings blocked for a workout.
Letting your family members know that you won’t participate in negative conversations during holidays.
Setting a defined scope of what will be included in a service that you offer to customers.
Commit
Once you’ve decided on the boundaries you will put in place, you must also commit to keeping them. If you are aware that you tend to honor the boundaries of others but put expectations for yourself at the bottom of the list, you may want to consider recruiting an accountability buddy. Gretchen Rubin’s book “The Four Tendencies” does a great job of looking at the ways we respond to internal and external expectations and breaks them into four categories: Upholders, Questioners, Obligers and Rebels. According to Rubin, 41% of all people fall into the Obliger category and this group puts a high value on honoring the expectations of others but has trouble setting limits and meeting commitments to themselves. Understanding how we behave related to expectations we place on ourselves can help set us up for success when committing to our boundaries.
Communicate and Be Consistent
The next step in managing the boundaries that we set for ourselves is to clearly communicate them. When someone crosses our boundaries it can lead to feelings of frustration, anger, resentment or hurt. However, if others aren’t clear on our boundaries or expectations, we will continue to be disappointed regularly. When we don’t clearly communicate our boundaries to others, they can also be equally frustrated with us. People cannot uphold your boundaries if they aren’t clear on what they are. It is also important to be honest about your feelings and address problems directly with the person that crossed your boundary in the moment, rather than saying nothing and being upset or complaining to someone else.
Equally important to communicating our boundaries to others, is being consistent with upholding them. If you allow a boundary to be crossed on some occasions but then are upset when it is crossed in a different circumstance, it creates confusion and likely will not be acknowledged or respected by others.
Boundaries protect us and allow us to maintain our health and happiness. When we have boundaries in place and commit to them consistently, we are better able to manage stress, avoid burning out in our jobs or daily lives and maintain healthy relationships. What boundaries can you put in place today to improve your wellbeing?